You are not one person, you are not two people
by Not.My.Orthonym
Summary: Kurama is captured, and the saddest thing is how long it takes to notice he is gone. But is he still himself when they finally find him? (Also posted on AO3)
1. Chapter 1

It took people weeks to notice Kurama was missing. That was the saddest part of it all. They were all so distant from him now, from each other, that they hadn't noticed for weeks.

In fact, they didn't notice. They were told, by someone else who did notice, eventually.

Kurama was away at college now, and Hiei was in the Makai, and Yusuke was too wrapped up in his failing marriage, and Kuwabara had school too. Kurama used to send letters every two weeks or so to keep up with his friends, preferring them to telephone calls. Yusuke and Kuwabara didn't even remember exactly when these had stopped. They were ashamed to admit that they had stopped really reading them after a while, only having the time and brain power to scan one when they arrived. Yusuke always put his aside, claiming that he'd read it thoroughly later. He ended up losing so many of them, he couldn't even find the last one Kurama had sent. It was gone, like most of the others. Yusuke was never a big reader.

Kurama would have sent letters to Hiei, if you could send letters in the Makai. He knew Hiei wouldn't really have read them, but he would have sent them anyway.

Shiori was the one who realized it had been 4 or more weeks since she'd had even a phone call from Shuichi. Her stepson had been having health problems, pneumonia, and she'd been too distracted. She began to worry. When Shuichi didn't pick up his phone, she worried more. But it was two more days before she was worried enough to phone the university, only to discover that Shuichi hadn't been to class for about a month and a half now. He had missed a test or two, nothing unusual for a college student, and no one had really thought to check up on him. It was odd, that no one had noticed him missing. Shuichi had always drawn attention, with his hair and his eyes and his brain and his skill. People always noticed him. But he'd never had many real friends, and most people had just assumed that he'd had a family problem or something of that nature. None of them knew him very well, and some assumed he'd just decided that it wasn't worth coming to class when he already knew everything. They assumed he chose not to be there.

He was missing.

The police investigated, but couldn't find anything. They couldn't even pinpoint when exactly he'd been taken, only being able to narrow it down to a week. They weren't any help in finding him.

They effectively gave up, though technically the investigation was ongoing. They couldn't find him. He was just _gone_. Vanished, without a trace.

Shiori couldn't accept that. She had called every number in his address book, seeing if someone, anyone, had heard from him lately. She called his high school classmates too, to see if maybe one of them knew where he was. When she had worked her way through the entire address book without one success, she couldn't think of what else to do. She was at a loss. A week went by, and she couldn't do anything, couldn't _find_ him. She was hiding in his old room, untouched in case he decided to come back, when she had needed to just be close to him somehow. She opened up one of the books he had read to her in the hospital, when it looked like she would be the one to disappear. She was surprised when a scrap of paper came fluttering out, with a name and a phone number written on it. _Yusuke_ , it said.

The name was vaguely familiar, in a long lost way. Shuichi must have brought him to visit her in the hospital once. He hadn't touched these books since, couldn't bear to touch them, he'd said. But he'd left them on his shelf, never touching, but sometimes she would catch him staring at them, his face tight in remembered pain.

Yusuke. And, perhaps, she'd seen him since then. She vaguely remembered Shuichi introducing her to someone named Yusuke at the wedding, but she'd met so many people that day, maybe it was just wishful thinking.

She wasn't really expecting the number to help. None of the others had.

"Hello?"

"Hello, may I speak to Yusuke please?"

"Uh, this is him. Do I know you?"

"Maybe not, but … this is Shuichi's mother."

"Oh! Uh, yeah, I guess I do know you. So, uh, why the call?"

"Please, I don't mean to be rude, but have you seen Shuichi lately?"

"Lately? No, I haven't seen him in … wow, longer than I thought."

"Oh. Nevermind, then. Thank you."

"Wait! What's wrong? Is he in some sort of trouble?"

"He's – He's missing."

"… What?"

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"I'm here to see Hiei."

Mukuro doesn't let her shock at seeing the ex-Spirit Detective show. "And why should I let you?"

"I don't think you understand. I'm not asking. I'm here to see Hiei and I'll damn well see him whether you let me in or not." She hadn't been expecting him to be this serious. Whatever business he had with Hiei, it wasn't pleasant. She got the feeling he'd destroy everything in his path to get to Hiei, and she had just renovated the fortress.

"Fine, come on in, but don't blame me if he refuses to see you."

Mukuro didn't really expect Hiei to refuse his visitor, though she really wasn't expecting the excitement he barely hid. Hiei was by the mazoku's side in an instant.

"Yusuke."

"Kurama's missing." Mukuro sucks in a breath at that. It took someone very brave and very stupid to kidnap the fox, even in his human state. Hiei's eyes flash dangerously, his hands balled into fists.

"What are you still here for? Let's go," he says, his voice low and dangerous. She should probably be annoyed that he didn't even look at her for permission before leaving with Yusuke, but she understands. She wouldn't be able to keep Hiei from this quest no matter what she tried.

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Yusuke and Hiei search. And search. And search.

The trail is long cold. They are months too late to pick up on scents in Kurama's room. They've got no leads to speak of.

And Kurama is shielded from Hiei's Jagan. They can't find him.

It's probably the stress of this that makes them take so long to tell anyone else that Kurama is missing. They're just so focused on it, on their failure, that it's a week of searching before they remember that they have people to ask for help. That's how they find themselves, exhausted and worried and _scared,_ asking Genkai for help.

Genkai looks like she might kill them on the spot, for not telling her, for forgetting that Kurama matters to the whole group. It's Genkai who calls everyone up to the temple for a strategy meeting, and so it's Genkai's fault that they have to deal with everyone else's worry on top of their own. And it's also Genkai's fault that Kuwabara tries to deck the both of them for not telling him.

And, ultimately, it's probably because of Genkai that they find Kurama. Well, maybe it's because of Kuwabara, but no one wants to give Kuwabara credit for anything.

"Wait, what happened to his cat?" Kuwabara asks, after throwing his big hissy fit.

"What?" is Yusuke's intelligent reply.

"You really don't pay any attention to your friends at all, do you, jackass?" Kuwabara fires back, too mad to be polite. Yusuke flinches, because it's true. Ever since things started to go south with Keiko, he hasn't been able to pay much attention to anything else. "Last Christmas, I gave Kurama a cat."

"You gave Kurama a cat?" Hiei's face says exactly what he thinks of that.

"Okay, so I wanted to give it to Yukina, but it turns out she's allergic!" Kuwabara exclaims. "But it liked Kurama and Kurama liked it, so he said he'd take it."

"What does this have to do with anything?" Yusuke fires back.

"Well excuse me for worrying about whether or not his pet died!"

"If Kurama was taken from his apartment," Hiei cuts in suddenly, "would this cat have witnessed it?"

Kuwabara blinks. "Yeah, probably."

"We need to find this animal." Hiei declares.

"Why? You going to interview it or something? You speak cat now?" Kuwabara's clearly annoyed at both of them.

"No," Hiei bites out, impatient. "But I don't need to." Kuwabara opens his mouth to speak again when Yusuke cuts him off.

"The Jagan! You can use the Jagan!" Hiei nods, once, sharply. It's a one in a million chance, probably, but it's still the best one they've had since they found out. Yusuke finds himself suddenly overflowing with energy. "Let's go find that cat!"

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The cat, it turns out, gives them two valuable pieces of information. The first is that Kurama asked his neighbor to feed the cat for him. Which means that he knew he was being taken.

They don't have the energy to parse that at the moment.

But the cat was in the apartment when the figure that took Kurama appeared. And while the physical appearance has faded, the memory of the energy signature has not.

They have an energy signature. It's not much to go off of.

But it's enough.

It's two more weeks before they find Kurama.

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There's commotion outside. He doesn't so much hear it as feel it, the echoes of explosions vibrating through the soles of his bare feet on the stone floor. His eyes are closed and he is trying very hard to appear as though he doesn't notice anything, as though he is as lifeless, held upright only by the chair he is tied to, as he was before the vibrations. His captor isn't buying it. He didn't really expect him to, but it was safer to pretend. Facing him head on would only bring more pain, and he wasn't strong enough for that at the moment. Pretending was safer.

A hand fists in his hair, pulling his face sharply up, and his eyes whirl around to meet the aggressors. He doesn't bother to hide the fear. There is some voice in his head telling him to temper it, to maintain some semblance of pride, but he's not overly concerned with that at the moment. He has more important ways to use the tatters of strength he has left.

The face above his twists into a smile, and his hair is released. He lets his head flop back down, saving energy for more important things than holding his head up.

"You're too broken to even think they'll save you, aren't you?" his demon captor sing-songs as he glides across the room. He's right, of course; that's what the demon was looking for in his face. Hope. Hope that the explosions meant escape, freedom, salvation.

He knows not to rely on others to save him.

He hears the demon take something off the wall behind him. He cannot tell what it is, other than something dangerous. He has never seen the wall, but he has felt its effects more than once. He wonders if this will be the last time he has to sit through the torment of this process.

"Shall I end it for you?" his captor wonders aloud. "Or shall I let you live?" He doesn't react. He knows he has no say in the answer, and he is saving his strength. "Perhaps I should just let them take you away. After all, I've done my damage." He breathes evenly, breathes in the smell of the dank room all around him. "But, then again, I could kill you just as they get here. Just as rescue is in hand. Yes, I think I like that." He breathes deeply, in and out, filling his lungs and emptying them again. He feels the stretch of bruises and cuts along his torso, but he keeps breathing.

Even as he feels the cold of the blade along his throat, he keeps breathing.

"No last words?" the voice teases. He breaths in. "They're coming, you know." He breathes out. "Not much time left." Each breath in presses the blade further against his throat, and each breath out relaxes it slightly. He can feel the vibrations getting closer and closer, and he knows his captor can as well. He focuses on that, on the timing of the explosions against his steady, deep breathing.

They wait.

He doesn't know how much time passes between the first explosion and the footsteps. It could be hours, it could be minutes. This room has taken his ability to tell time from him, minute by minute, day by day. He can't even count seconds anymore, can't focus on keeping the numbers in his mind. But he can focus on breathing. He focuses well on breathing. And, eventually, he feels the vibrations change, from explosions on the stories above to footsteps out in the corridor. He feels his captor tense, eyes on the door. He hears the giant, metal doorknob start to turn. He does not know if he feels or hears or just senses his captor smiling, but he knows when the distraction has come. He takes the one moment he has left.

He breathes in.

He breathes in all the strength he has left.

He breathes out.

He breathes out all of his remaining spirit energy into an explosion in his captor's lungs.

His eyes are closed, but he hears the door open as the spores bloom into fully grown mold, clogging every airway his captor has, choking all the air out of him. He feels the sword at his throat dig into his flesh as his captor tenses in his agony. He feels the small trickle of blood that runs down his bare torso, seeping into old wounds. He feels it as his captor desperately tries to draw in air, failing and failing and failing. He both hears and feels the blade clatter to the ground.

He does not breathe in again until his captor follows the sword to the ground. Dead.

Then he gasps, breathing deeply and quickly, suddenly starved for air. He is more exhausted than he has ever been, drained of all spirit energy, battered and bruised and still bound to this chair. And proud. In that one moment, he is so incredibly proud of himself.

He saved himself. He saved himself.

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Yusuke wonders for a moment if this is what it felt like when they went to save him, that one time he was kidnapped. He doesn't think so, because he'd been gone for maybe a day, and they know Kurama has been here for much longer than that. He thinks this must be worse.

It almost feels like old times, the three of them fighting together. But there's an edge here that there wasn't before, because here there is the clear absence of a member of the team. They fought for high stakes before, but it was still – the only real word for it is fun. It was still fun, just to fight. To fight with this group of friends, of highly skilled friends. This, though … This isn't fun.

As they fight their way through the lair, they just follow the direction with the most guards. Kurama is still shielded from Hiei's Jagan, and worse than that, not even Kuwabara can feel any trace of his youki. So they follow the flow of guards to its source, and hope that Kurama is at the center and not just a guard room.

It's quick. The guards themselves are cheap demons for hire, and not particularly skilled. He supposes that the guards were more for the look of the place, to note that it was occupied, than to actually keep Kurama in. If Kurama got out, no amount of guards would hold him. He was too good at hiding.

There is a small niggle at the back of his head that worries that, maybe, the guards are just here to stall. To alert whoever took Kurama the minute someone came to save him. A part of him worries that Kurama was dead the minute they were spotted.

He pushes that part away and focuses on the fight. They have to get to Kurama quickly, and that particular worry is a paralyzing worry, and not useful. He doesn't want to think about it.

Following the guards finally leads them down a long, dark staircase to a long, dark hallway. He can't sense anything, but he can hear someone breathing in a room about two thirds of the way down. They run down the hall, and he grabs Kuwabara by the back of his shirt before he goes too far. Hiei spares them a brief glance, a moment of hesitation, because they still can't sense any youki from inside the room. He knows that means that Hiei's as worried as he is, because Hiei doesn't hesitate about _anything_.

Still, they haven't got much time, so he grabs the big, iron handle, and turns it.

The door opens to reveal Kurama, head down, beaten and bruised and bleeding in a hundred different places, with a sword held to his throat. That would make him rush to him, would make Hiei rush to him, too, but the sword is shaking. The sword is shaking because the demon holding it, a surprisingly humanoid one considering all the guards, is apparently choking on thin air. They all just stand there and watch as the blood drips down Kurama's chest, and the demon chokes to death.

It takes until a moment after the demon lies on the ground, dead, before they move. Hiei is the first to snap out of it, and in the blink of an eye he's by Kurama's side. Kurama flinches away from him, harshly, enough to make the chair slide back a pace or two and bump into the dead demon's body. Hiei freezes unsure of what to do.

Yusuke steps forward, finally actually entering the room. He notes now the sutras plastered all over the walls, the ones that hid spiritual energy and blocked Hiei's Jagan. He also notes the ones painted on Kurama's skin, binding his youki inside. How did Kurama kill the demon (because obviously it was Kurama who killed the demon) without his youki? A question for later, he guesses.

He slowly kneels to untie Kurama's legs, trying not to startle him. The moment his hands touch the ropes, Kurama stiffens, breathing in and out rapidly. Yusuke pauses for a moment, before resuming untying Kurama. Just do that. That has to come first, because he can't stand seeing Kurama tied down for another second.

Hiei seems to agree, because he gets to work on Kurama's other leg. He could just do it with is sword, but even he must notice Kurama's discomfort. His concession is doing it by hand.

Soon, but not soon enough, Kurama is free from the chair. He doesn't move, remains seated in the chair, breathing rapidly. He hasn't even lifted his head. Yusuke tries to help him out of the chair, but he flinches away again. Yusuke takes a step back, unsure of what to do. They have to get Kurama out of here, but he doesn't want to be touched. Hiei growls, frustrated, and Kurama seems to shrink into the chair even further. Hiei cuts the growl off, but the damage is done.

"Geez, you guys, don't you know anything about taking care of hurt people," Kuwabara huffs as he finally steps into the room. He shoves past Yusuke, which Yusuke would have decked him for, except that then Kuwabara's in front of Kurama, and speaking in a voice he usually reserves for hurt kittens. "I'm gonna grab your hand now, 'kay Kurama?" Kurama still tenses when Kuwabara does as he said, but he relaxes after a minute. "You good to stand on your own?" The answer is obvious, but it's probably better for Kurama's pride to ask. Kurama doesn't move for a moment, then he shakes his head. "Want me to help you up?"

Kurama's hand clenches around Kuwabara's. Then, he draws in a deep breath, and seems to set about consciously bringing his breathing back to normal. After a few long moments, he finally lifts his head, and stares Kuwabara straight on. "Get. Me. Out." He bites out through clenched teeth.

It's horrible. His face is gaunt and bruised and swollen in a way that Yusuke has hardly ever seen on Kurama. While he may have let his opponents beat him up a bit, somehow his face was usually avoided. Hiei would have said it was something about the fox's damn pride. Clearly, that pride had taken a beating in this room.

Clearly, Kurama had taken a beating in this room.

Kurama stumbles as Kuwabara helps him up, and Yusuke steps forward to catch him on instinct. But Kurama flinches into Kuwabara, and Yusuke drops his arms immediately. Kurama doesn't look at him; he just limps out of the room, one arm thrown around Kuwabara's neck. Just before he leaves, he looks back, but not at Yusuke or Hiei. Yusuke follows his gaze to the wall behind the chair, the wall he hadn't even really seen because he was so focused on Kurama, Kurama, Kurama. Now, he sees it, and his blood begins to boil. Seeing Kurama, in the state he's in, had frozen it, but this sight melts it again, until he has magma running through his veins. The wall isn't littered with weapons. In fact, the sword lying on the ground next to the demon that he wishes he could kill again seems to be missing from a decorative set above a disgusting looking fireplace. No, the wall isn't covered in weapons.

It's covered in torture devices.

Clearly, many of them have no practical use in battle. Only in torture would someone have enough time to use these.

The demon had a lot of time to use them on Kurama.

They're all clean, all well cared for, and he feels in his gut that everything here has hurt Kurama while he's been here. That there was not one Kurama was not subjected to.

He wants to burn this place to the ground.

He can feel the energy coming off of Hiei in waves, and he knows that he is not alone in this.

But Kurama turns, suddenly, and limps out of the room. And as much as he wants some kind of revenge, he needs to follow Kurama. He needs to keep him in sight. He may never be able to let him get out of his sight again.

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He can feel his legs trying to give out underneath him, but he keeps walking. He puts one foot in front of the other, over, and over, and over, because he will make it out of this building on his own two feet or he will die trying.

Kuwabara must feel him leaning heavily, must feel how his legs shake, but he says nothing. He is glad. He couldn't explain himself if he tried.

He hears the hurried footsteps behind them, can feel Hiei's assessing gaze as powerfully as Yusuke's worried one, but he does not look back. He walks forward, one foot in front of the other, until he is stepping out of the building and into the light.

He hasn't felt sunlight on his skin since he was brought to this place. It blinds him a bit, but it also warms him in a way he wasn't sure was possible anymore. He feels the plants sing in a way he hasn't in far too long, and he steals energy from them to feed his own. He had forgotten that this was what it was like. He had forgotten what freedom felt like.

He feels the energy sing through him, and suddenly he knows what he needs to do. He waits until they're at the edge of the forest surrounding the fortress, before he stops. Kuwabara freezes immediately, standing and just letting him lean against him. He turns back to face his prison, and his face contorts. He doesn't bother hiding anything in that moment, not the rage, not the fear; every inch of the fallout from his imprisonment shows on his face. He can hear someone gasping in the background, but the world has become white noise to him. He breathes in all the power from the plants that he can steal. He breathes in everything that has been denied to him. He breathes in freedom.

And he breathes out destruction.

The foundation of the fortress shakes and crumbles as plants bloom out of it, wrecking the supports. He watches his jail collapse in on itself, and he smiles. He has time for one thought before the exhaustion takes him.

 _Good riddance._

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Hiei rushes forward the second he sees Kurama's knees start to buckle. No one can match his speed, so it is him who catches the fox as he finally succumbs to his injuries. Yusuke was a step behind him.

He's done this before, when the fox had been stupid, when he'd let an enemy get too close, when he'd tested the limits of his human body time after time. He is used to the way that the long red hair feels, hanging over the side of his arm, travelling the length of his body. He is used to the way Kurama's head instinctively tilts into Hiei's warmth and strength. He has done this many times before.

But it has never felt quite like this. It never has never brought him to the verge of angry, sad, _relieved_ tears. He'd respected the fox's wishes to not be touched, he'd put up with him leaning on the oaf instead, but _god, he'd needed this_. He'd needed to feel Kurama, to know that he was still there. He'd always been able to find Kurama's youki before, whenever he'd felt like searching for it. He'd always been able to just reach out and feel the fox, thrumming with energy and _life_. It had been torture when Kurama was hidden from him.

He lets himself breathe in the scent of the fox in his arms. He knows it isn't over yet, he knows that there will be more fallout from this, but in this moment, it is okay. As long as he can reach Kurama, there will be a way through.

"What do we do?" Yusuke asks, hovering a little too close. Hiei tamps down on the urge to step back, to take Kurama away on his own, because Yusuke needs to know that Kurama is here as well. He can recognize the urge in others. Besides, Kurama's body is human. He may need human care. "We can't carry him through the Makai like this."

Kuwabara steps forward, but doesn't come as close as Yusuke. The little fire demon still likes to jab at him sometimes, and he's looking awful upset over Kurama. "Don't you have a fortress somewhere we could stay at, runt?"

Hiei scowls at the insult as much as the stupid suggestion. "We're not bringing an injured Kurama into Mukuro's territory, fool." It's just asking for trouble.

"Well, what should we do then?" Yusuke demands. Neither of them knows the Makai like Hiei; it's up to him.

Hiei considers this for a long moment. Kurama's wounds need treatment before they can begin the journey back to the human world, and doing it out in the open, so close to the downed fortress, seems dangerous. Mukuro's was out of the question. There was, of course, another territory close by that Kurama could seek refuge in. The thought of it made Hiei scowl, but it was probably the best option. And they didn't have time to be choosy.

"Yomi. We'll head to Yomi."

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They have surprisingly little trouble on the way. A weak demon or two, drawn in by the scent of Kurama's blood, but no major trouble. At the sight of Kurama in Hiei's arms, the guards let them through. They can recognize the fox demon on sight now, since the tournament.

Yomi's lips press into a thin, thin line when they enter his office. His nostrils flare and his face slams down into a blankness Kurama must have taught him. Without a word, he leads them to a spare bedroom. Fresh bandages, clean water, and other necessities are already waiting, probably called for by the guards. Hiei reluctantly places Kurama on the bed, red hair fanned out around his head, his skin almost the same white as the sheets. Yusuke comes to hold Kurama's hand as Hiei sets about bandaging his wounds. He's had more experience with this than the others, seeing as he's been Kurama's partner for years. They watch him clean and wrap the wounds, unable to do much more for them at the moment. No one speaks.

A stray hair flutters as Kurama breathes in and out. Yomi goes to brush it away from his face, only to have his wrist stopped by Hiei. Yusuke brushes it away instead, and Hiei releases Yomi.

Hiei feels Yomi's attention rake over him, assessing the fire demon. It's not quite his sight, due to the whole blind thing, it's more like his ears listen to each inch of him in turn. Finally, Yomi steps back, and turns to leave. As he exits, he throws "Tell me when he wakes," over his shoulder.

The three settle in for the long haul, because it doesn't look like Kurama will wake any time soon. Hiei perches on the nearest window, keeping one eye out for any attacks that might come. Kuwabara ends up sleeping crosslegged against the wall across from the foot of the bed. And Yusuke falls asleep at Kurama's side, one hand still holding his.

Hiei lasts the longest of the three, but even he eventually drifts off into a light sleep. It had been a long few weeks before they found him, and no one had slept well. No one dreams in that room this night; they are too tired for dreams.

If it were Hiei, he'd be out for perhaps a month in a healing sleep. But Kurama is not Hiei; he is not a demon. He is somewhere between a human and a demon, and there is no telling when he will wake. Hiei had resolved to be awake for it, and it is this more than the watchfulness that helps him fight sleep for so long. But eventually even he can't stay awake any longer.

When his eyes finally open again, in the late hours of the morning, they meet the piercing green he wasn't sure he'd see again.

Kurama is sitting up in bed, propped against the wall behind him. He has freed his hand from Yusuke's, choosing instead to clasp his own together. His face is blank, but his eyes are sharp. Distrustful. His eyes are distrustful.

"Detective," Hiei calls out. Yusuke mumbles something about not being a detective any more, and also couldn't he just have five more minutes? "Oaf." Kuwabara doesn't wake, doesn't move, so Hiei throws something inconsequential at him. It bounces off his temple, waking him.

"What was that for!?" he demands, loudly enough to wake Yusuke properly to laugh at him. Hiei narrows his eyes and jerks his head toward Kurama. He watches the two realize that Kurama is awake.

Yusuke is scanning Kurama's body immediately, looking to see if any of his wounds opened during the night. "How are you feeling? Are you okay? Do you need anything? I could –"

"I am fine." Kurama's voice is carefully controlled, yet sharp in the same way his eyes are. "Where am I?"

"Yomi's territory," Hiei supplies, surprised at the way Kurama bristles.

"The runt here said it would be the safest option," Kuwabara adds.

Kurama looks as though he might disagree. "Why did you not take me to the human world?" he asks, softly but precisely. There's something off about him, something wrong, but Hiei can't quite pinpoint it. But, then again, he knows Kurama was tortured. Perhaps it would be strange if he were completely fine.

"Are you stupid?" Yusuke demands. "You fainted, you were clearly injured, we had to get you cleaned up first. Make sure moving you wouldn't do more harm!" Yusuke does not respond well to worry.

Kurama almost visibly bites down a retort to that, before closing his eyes and nodding. "Regardless, I am safe to move now. I suggest we leave." And with that, he sweeps the covers off and begins to try to stand.

"Woah, wait a minute," Yusuke interjects. "We still don't know if you're okay to move on your own, and we don't want you opening all those wounds up again." Kurama shoots him a stunning glare. "At least accept some help, you proud idiot!"

"I am quite capable of moving on my own, thank you," Kurama says, shying away from Yusuke's touch in a way that is more subtle than the flinches from the day before, but conveys the same message.

"Yeah, but we told that Yomi guy that we'd get him when you woke up," Kuwabara throws in, missing the way it make Kurama stiffen. "You should probably thank him, too, he did put you up for the night after all."

"I will thank him another time," Kurama says in that same sharp, precise tone. It's a tone that dares one to argue with it, and Kuwabara knows enough to back down on this for the moment. "Let's go."

"Leaving so soon?" Yomi asks, suddenly standing in the doorway. Kurama, to his credit, doesn't swear or jump the way Yusuke and Kuwabara do. Nor do his eyes widen in surprise, a reaction even Hiei can't suppress. His only outward reaction is to tilt his head and stare Yomi down. A tense moment passes where no one speaks, before Kurama steps forward.

"Thank you," he says, bowing slightly, "for your hospitality. However, I have been missing from my mother for far too long, and I do believe I owe her my time more than I owe it to you." There's something about the way he says 'my mother' that is off.

"It is because of me you are alive," Yomi muses, not moving from the doorway. Kurama's eyes flash, cold and hard.

"Perhaps," he murmurs, "but one could say the same of her." Yomi's ears twitch slightly. Kurama stares, unwavering. Finally, Yomi nods and steps out of the way, into the hall. Kurama does not run out of the room, not the way Hiei would, but rather calmly walks through the door. The three stand there in shock for a moment, confused about what just happened and how much of it they didn't understand, before following.

It is only when they are all out in the hallway, with Kurama's back fully to Yomi, that he speaks again. "Before you go, I have one more question for you, Kurama."

Kurama stills, but does not turn back to face Yomi. "Which is?"

"You're in the little human's body, Kurama. Why are you in control?" Kurama's jaw clenches and his eyes are as hard as emeralds.

"What do you mean?" Yusuke asks, agitated. "Who else would be in control?"

"This is not your half-human," Yomi states in a voice as cold as Kurama's. Hiei bites back a swear as he realizes what Yomi means. "Youko Kurama is in control."

So that's what was wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

There is a moment in which Hiei does not know what Kurama will do. He almost expects Kurama to turn around with that gentle smile on his face, laughing at the idea that they would believe Yomi. Or maybe he'll whirl around and ask Yomi what he gains by attempting to trick his friends.

He expects Kurama to deny it. He does not know if he would believe that denial, but everything he knows about Kurama predicts that he will dance away from this, the way he dances from anything so intensely personal.

Kurama's eyes are still as hard as emeralds as he turns to face Yomi. "If you wish to discuss this, perhaps your office would be a better location."

Yomi nods his assent, and the two head briskly down the hallway. Kurama does not even glance back to make sure the three boys are following him. Every line of his body is as hard as his eyes, and Hiei is unsure for a moment that he recognizes the fox. Some part of him clings to the fact that Kurama has not quite confirmed Yomi's statement yet. But now he wonders, if the Kurama he saved was the same that he lost.

Obviously, the three follow Kurama and Yomi to Yomi's office. When they enter the room, Yomi has seated himself behind his desk, and Kurama leans against the wall across from the desk. He doesn't acknowledge them as they enter the room, all his focus on the demon in front of him. Hiei feels like punching something. He grinds his teeth as he takes up his customary pose on the windowsill.

Yomi doesn't speak until the door is shut. "I am surprised at you, Kurama."

"I had no intention of denying what has happened," Kurama says, cutting to the chase. "I simply thought that there was no point in informing the entire world." There's something bitter in that.

"Wait, I'm confused," Kuwabara suddenly says, "what do you mean Youko Kurama is in control? I thought he was always in control?"

"You really don't listen when other people talk, do you, fool?" Hiei's ready for a fight, and Kuwabara's an old punching bag.

"Shuddup runt!" Kuwabara shouts, just as ready to turn this into a punch-up. "That's why we call him Kurama, ain't it?"

"Idiot," Hiei snarls. "Do you need everything spelled out for you?"

"Why you –"

"Hiei, either explain or stop antagonizing him," Kurama sighs. Hiei's eyes dart to Kurama's, because that's what he expected Kurama to say. Kurama's face is still hard and blank, but for a moment Hiei thinks maybe there is something in his eyes, some remnant of the Kurama he knew. It's just a moment, before his eyes turn cold again. Hiei bristles.

He feels like someone's stabbed him somewhere, but he can't figure out where. It keeps moving, from his throat to his chest to his stomach. He wants to tell Kurama to explain it to the idiot his damn self, but he can't, quite. It's what he would have done, were this any other situation. But it is _this_ situation, and Kurama – Kurama _isn't_ Kurama. He thinks he doesn't want to hear Youko Kurama's account of – of his Kurama. "When Youko Kurama died, he wasn't strong enough to fully possess his human host. Our – the Kurama that we knew was not a possessed human, but a merger between a human and a demon mind."

"So, wait, then, what're you?" Kuwabara asks, pointing to Kurama.

"I am Youko Kurama," Kurama replies.

"So then how do you know us?" Kuwabara's got that tone in his voice that says that he doesn't get this and his brain is starting to hurt.

Kurama sighs. "Perhaps I should start from the beginning." Hiei snorts and rolls his eyes. "For the past twenty years, my mind has been merged with the human, Minamino Shuichi's. Together, we were," something catches in Kurama's voice, "we formed the person that you knew. Individually, we each retain all of the memories that – that your Kurama experienced."

"Wait, was Kurama – was it just the two of you making decisions together, deciding what came out of Kurama's mouth? Like two brains with one body?" Kuwabara's voice is edging on hysterical, he's so confused.

"Not quite," Kurama says. His head tilts down, and his eyes are shadowed by his bangs. It's a hiding tactic. "Together we – we formed something else. Someone else. One, new personality." His voice is carefully blank, and Hiei has to wonder if this Kurama misses that Kurama as much as anyone.

"What did he do to you?" Everyone's attention turns to Yusuke, who has been oddly silent through most of this. He is visibly shaking, and he's clearly trying to keep a tight hold on his aura. He looks like he's about to explode.

"Yusuke," Kurama starts, but Yusuke cuts him off.

"What. Did. He. Do. To. You." Yusuke bites out. Kurama swallows and turns away from him.

Kurama breathes in deeply before beginning the story. "He was Karasu's son." The temperature in the room drops a few degrees. "He aimed to avenge his father. I think you can surmise many of his tactics." Hiei blinks back the image of the wall of torture devices before he starts to lose control as well. They already had enough problems. "He was able to grasp the distinction between myself, Minamino, and your Kurama. He knew which one defeated his father, and therefore which he sought to utterly destroy. He settled for torturing the other two."

"He tried to kill you," Hiei points out.

Kurama smiles mirthlessly. "He aimed to hurt you with that, I believe. He had already done his damage to me."

"How?" Yusuke growls. "How did he destroy our Kurama?"

"He made it impossible for Minamino and I to remain merged," Kurama says, quietly, as though he were discussing the weather. He's trying very hard to appear unaffected. Hiei wonders whose benefit that's for.

"Why did he wait so long to take his revenge?" Yomi is perhaps the only calm voice left in the room. Kurama's can't be called calm, not quite, because it is so carefully controlled. Kurama is hiding strong emotions behind a veil of blankness, as he usually does.

"It is not easy to split merged minds. He needed power he did not possess." A chill runs down Hiei's spine.

"What power?" He can't stop himself from asking.

Kurama hesitates before replying. "He had a Jagan implanted." Hiei's eyes go wide and he bites down a swear.

"He must have wanted revenge very much," Yomi mutters. It's a long way to go.

"What happened to our Kurama?" Yusuke has stopped shaking, but not in a good way. Rather, he's gone deathly still.

"He's dead." Kurama's voice is flat and unwavering. He doesn't hesitate, he doesn't try to soften the blow at all.

"What!?" Kuwabara screeches. "That can't be! We – we made it! We saved you!"

"And I am not him." Kurama's voice doesn't change. "He is lost to you."

"But –"

Yomi cuts Kuwabara off. "What do you plan to do now?"

"With all due respect, my friend, I do not think I owe you that." Kurama's eyes shine, hard and cold. If Yomi could still see, they'd be staring one another down.

Something occurs to Hiei. "Your youki was bound," he says, carefully.

Kurama turns the cold stare on him. "Yes."

"And yet you killed Karasu's son." Kurama stares Hiei down, and Hiei knows he's hit upon something Kurama didn't want to talk about.

"Yeah, what was up with that?" Yusuke throws in, stepping towards Kurama. Kurama's eyes flash to Yusuke, and he knows that he won't be able to avoid this question, not without a fight.

"I didn't kill him." He speaks slowly and carefully, watching each word as he says it.

"Looked pretty dead to me," Yusuke says.

"I didn't kill him," he repeats. "Shuichi did."

Those two words drop like stones, and the temperature drops with them.

"Shuichi's still alive?" Yusuke breathes.

"You relinquished control to a human?" If he still had them, Yomi's eyes would gleam.

"Wait, if Shuichi's still around, and you're still around, why is Kurama dead?" Kuwabara wonders aloud, unable to stop himself.

"Minamino and I –" Kurama falters for a moment. "A merger is no longer possible."

"Why not?" Yusuke demands.

Kurama grinds his teeth, the conversation breaking through his pretense of calm. "A merger is no longer possible," he repeats, his eyes flashing. Hiei knows he wants them to leave it at that, but Kurama's a fool if he thinks they're going to just let this go.

"Why?" Hiei pushes forward. "What did he do?"

Kurama is breathing heavily now, in and out rapidly, and suddenly his eyes shine a different way, as tears begin to form. But his face is still hard as stone, and if it weren't for the hyperventilation, he would look like an immovable statue. "He tore us apart. He made it so Shuichi – so Minamino could never stand to speak to me again, let alone share a mindspace. He pushed every boundary, tore down every wall I erected, shattered twenty years of –" He cuts himself off, clearly cursing himself for the break in his reticence. Hiei just stares, wide eyed, because he never dreamed of seeing his Kurama like this, let alone Youko Kurama, legendary for his cold control. He wants to kill the demon who did this all over again.

"Kurama," Yusuke says, rage half replaced by something softer, something sadder. His hand twitches like he wants to reach out to Kurama, but this is not his Kurama either. Kurama doesn't quite flinch, but he can't seem to get his breathing under control again.

"Perhaps taking a step back might help," Yomi murmurs from across the room. Hiei and Yusuke realize suddenly how close they have gotten to Kurama, how they boxed him in physically until he could no longer evade them verbally. In the blink of an eye, Hiei is back on the windowsill. Yusuke startles and takes a few steps back, giving Kurama the space to catch his breath.

There's a horrible, brutal silence in the room as Kurama gets his breath back under control, as his huffs and puffs fade to the quiet breath they are used to. Hiei keeps his eyes on the view out of the window the entire time.

After a very long moment, Kurama breaks the silence. "If that is all –"

"How late?" Kuwabara suddenly asks, like he couldn't keep it in any longer.

"What?" Kurama says, startled.

"How late were we?" There's a tremble in Kuwabara's voice that might be rage but sounds more like bitten back tears. "To save him?"

Kurama's gaze doesn't quite soften; his eyes are still sparkling, dark emeralds. But something in his face or his body or simply his demeanor changes at this question. A breath whooshes out of him like he's been punched. "I don't know." His voice is blank, but quieter than before. Not quite a whisper, but similar enough. Hiei watches Kurama's reflection swallow back any strong emotions. "Some time." Kuwabara's jaw and fists clench at that, but Kurama doesn't flinch at that. He closes his eyes, before saying, "I'm sorry."

Hiei knows that Youko Kurama lies like he breathes, but here he believes him. He feels fire dance under his skin, before clamping down on his aura. An imagined stab wound throbs in his chest.

"Why did he not kill you before?" Yomi asks, quietly, perhaps trying to steer the conversation back into safer territory. "It would appear he had you at his mercy."

Kurama's eyes remain closed. "I don't know."

There is something in the way that Yomi's ears twitch that makes Hiei doubt the truth of that.

Yusuke turns and punches the wall, hard enough to crack it. Kurama almost manages to hide his flinch. "This fucking sucks!" Yusuke yells.

Kurama takes a step towards Yomi. "If that is all," he says, trailing off.

"It was an honor to see you again, my friend," Yomi says quietly. Hiei almost snorts at the ridiculousness of it, but Kurama just nods. Without another word or a glance at his friends, Kurama leaves the office. Hiei watches his reflection go.

"What do we do?" Kuwabara asks after Kurama leaves. "What do we tell people?"

Kuwabara didn't really want answers so much as he just needed to ask, but Yomi gives answers anyway. "Take him to Genkai."

"How can the old bat help?" Yusuke snorts.

Yomi turns his attention fully on Yusuke, who shifts uncomfortalbly. "Take him. To Genkai," he repeats. "Do not leave him alone." Yusuke shrugs noncommittally, not liking being ordered around. "Promise me," Yomi says, quietly, and it's not an order anymore, it's a request. If Hiei didn't know any better, he'd almost call it a plea.

"Yeah," Yusuke agrees, voice a little ragged.

"Hey, uh, guys? Do you think maybe we should go after him?" Kuwabara asks, realizing how much time has passed since Kurama left the room. Hiei bites back a curse and takes off after his not-friend.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Hiei catches up with him long before Kurama makes it out of the fortress. He follows behind him, keeping his eyes on the fox. Hiei's aura is blazing so brightly, he's certain both the oaf and Yusuke will be able to find him shortly.

Kurama does not speak, does not slow, gives no indication that he is paying any attention to the fire demon following him. All his attention seems to be focused on getting out.

Eventually the other two catch up with them, but still no words are said. Everyone's eyes are on Kurama's tense form as they exit the main gate. It's not until they reach the forest again that the tension in his shoulders eases a bit as he breathes a deep sigh. Hiei's chest throbs for a moment as Kurama leans heavily against a tree, his face still bruised and battered and so, _so_ tired.

"You okay?" Kuwabara asks, stepping towards Kurama but not getting too close.

"I will be fine," Kurama says, but his eyes slide shut and he makes no move to stop leaning against the tree. "Before we return - …" he tapers off, breathing deeply in and out a few more times. Hiei feels the forest breathe with Kurama, feels Kurama pull power, no, not power, strength, he pulls strength from the surrounding plants. Strength for the next conversation he has to have. "What does my mo – What does Shiori know?"

Yusuke kicks at the ground awkwardly. "She's the one who figured out you were missing."

"Ah," Kurama says, eyes still closed, smiling a small, sad, painful smile. "I was afraid of that." He breathes in one more time before opening his eyes. They are calm, focused, but not as hard as they were in Yomi's fortress. If Hiei's heart beat regularly, it would skip a beat; it's the same look Kurama, his Kurama, always had before going into battle. "I assume you have told her nothing?" The question is directed straight at Yusuke.

"Just that we were looking for you," Yusuke says, recognizing Kurama's look as well.

"Good," Kurama says as he pushes himself off the tree and begins to walk again.

"Wait, what're you gonna tell her?" Kuwabara half yells after him.

"Whatever it is, will you go along with it?" Kurama asks, not even glancing over his shoulder.

"Well, yeah, I mean, it's your mom or whatever," Kuwabara says, clearly not wanting to get into the complicated relationship between Kurama and his mother.

"Then it should not matter," Kurama says.

 _Only,_ Hiei thinks as they pick their way through the brush to a portal to the human world, _it's not actually his mother._ His chest throbs again.

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He knows he's being callous. He is, of course, doing it on purpose. These people do not actually know him, he reminds himself. While he may know them, may consider them friends, he is not the person they sought to rescue. He cannot help but wonder if they would prefer to have him or Shuichi, can't help but wonder which one of the two comes closer to the Kurama that they lost. He wonders which one of the two they would prefer to keep.

These are not helpful thoughts. They are not useful or productive, and, perhaps, in another life, he could have pushed them away. Perhaps at one time he had the mental fortitude, the control, to put these thoughts in a box, lock them behind a wall, and not have to deal with them. But even now he feels the effects of the mental torture, feels what Karasu's son has wrought, and he knows that there is damage. He may be able to walk on his own two feet, he may even be able to defend himself if asked, but he is not well. He is not whole. He knows this.

It's not the first time he's been tortured, he reminds himself, angry at himself. He'll heal.

No, it isn't the first time he's been tortured.

But it is the first time Shuichi has.

He feels the lack, more than anything else. He feels the lack of Shuichi keenly. He feels Shuichi, curled tight in a space that is not quite the back of his mind, but rather a place utterly removed from his mind. He feels the space between their consciousnesses, a void he will never be able to cross.

He keeps walking.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Yusuke doesn't know how to feel. He wants to punch something. He wants to cry. He wants to kill Karasu and his fucking son all over again. He wants to go back in time and get to Kurama in time. All he can do is keep following not-quite-Kurama, keep his eyes locked on the figure of someone who looks just like his friend but _isn't_.

It's not that he hasn't lost people before, it's just that – well, he hasn't really lost people before. Even Genkai came back from the dead, and a small part of him feels as though something like that has to happen again, because – because Kurama can't just be _gone_. That's not how it _works_. Yusuke _saves the day_ , that's just what he _does_. Or things work out on their own, Kurama doesn't just _die_.

And if he did – if Kurama had died, was actually dead, wasn't some not-quite version of himself, then something could be done. A deal could be made with Koenma, maybe, probably, or something. Yusuke could have won a tournament, made a wish, _something_.

But Kurama isn't dead, not quite, not really, he's still there, just not himself. The only Kurama that's dead is, well, _Yusuke's_ Kurama. The dull ache that's been in his chest spreads to the rest of his body.

 _Genkai_ , he thinks, remembering his promise to Yomi. _Just get him to Genkai._

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Kurama hesitates when they reach the portal. It's slight, just a moment, so small that Hiei is the only one who catches it. But he hesitates. Hiei files that away with all the other weird things this Kurama has done.

Kurama is the first through the portal, the other three still just following him, just watching him. Kuwabara is actually the one right behind him, scared that if they don't follow closely they'll lose Kurama on the other side. Scared that he'll take off without them. Yusuke follows, and then Hiei. Hiei hates the journey to the human world, still not used to the idea that he can come and go as he pleases, but he takes it. For Kurama.

He reaches the other side only to trip over the other three idiots who somehow wound up in a pile on the ground.

"What the fuck?" Yusuke shouts as Hiei comes crashing down on top of him. "What just happened?"

"It's the oaf's fault," Hiei says as he pulls himself up. Kurama lets out a groan from the bottom of the pile, and in a moment Hiei has shoved the other two off of him. Kurama's injured, after all. Plus, shoving Kuwabara is always fun.

"Hey you little shrimp!" Kuwabara shouts as he slams into the ground for the second time in five minutes. "It's not my fault at all! Kurama's the one who just stopped in front of the portal!" Hiei's eyes flicker to Kurama's still prone form, worried.

"Are you alright, Kurama?" Yusuke asks, voice somewhere between agitated and worried, as he scrambles to his knees, perching at Kurama's side.

Kurama takes a moment before he answers in a strained voice, "I am fine, thank you." There's something off, and Hiei goes to help him to his feet, thinking perhaps Kurama has overdone it. He wouldn't put it past Youko to not tell them that he needed help, not wanting to show weakness. He goes to grab Kurama's arm to help pull him up, but Kurama flinches away from his touch. His mind flashes back to Kurama, beaten and bloody and tied to a chair, flinching away from him. He can't retract his hand fast enough.

Kurama stumbles getting to his feet on his own, and finds himself leaning on Kuwabara again. Yusuke, noting Kurama's reaction to Hiei, steps back and lets Kuwabara handle it.

"What happened, Kurama? Why were you just standing there?" Kuwabara asks, looking to see if there's any more visible damage, if maybe they missed something. He's sunk back into that injured kitten voice, still gruff but surprisingly gentle.

Kurama swallows and averts his eyes. "It's nothing. We should keep moving." There's something different about Kurama's voice, about the way he's using it.

"It's clearly not nothing!" Yusuke exclaims. "Look, if you're hurt, we can carry you or something, but you shouldn't further injure yourself, idiot!"

"I assure you, I am not injured," Kurama says, still not looking at any of them. "And I do not think we should keep my mother waiting any longer."

Something clicks into place for Hiei. "Shuichi," he says.

Kurama stops breathing.

"What?" Yusuke asks, frustrated with Kurama. "What the fuck does Shuichi have to do with anything?"

Hiei takes a step towards Kurama, his voice carefully controlled. "You're not Youko Kurama anymore, are you?"

There's a long, still moment as Yusuke and Kuwabara finally catch his meaning.

Then, Kurama – no. Then, Shuichi draws in a long, shuddering breath, before finally meeting Hiei's gaze. "Not quite," he says, quietly. His eyes aren't softer than Kurama's so much as they're _younger_. "It's nice to finally meet you, Hiei."


	3. Chapter 3

Shuichi smiles, he smiles Kurama's gentle smile, but his eyes don't change. Hiei is struck by how _young_ he looks. He's never seen Kurama's face look so _young_. Kurama had always looked timeless, somehow. Outside of time.

Shuichi turns his smile towards his other two companions. "And of course, you as well, Yusuke." He nods to Yusuke. "Kuwabara." Kuwabara blinks, unsure of what to say. Youko Kurama was something he had understood. If nothing else, he knew demons by now. But there's something about Minamino Shuichi that is unlike anything any of them have ever encountered.

Yusuke just stares. He can't talk. His mind can't even formulate sounds anymore. He is entirely unequipped to deal with this situation.

"Did you take control?" Hiei asks. There's an unspoken, _Or were you given it?_ He had assumed they would be dealing with Youko Kurama entirely. He had thought – he didn't know what exactly he'd thought, because the idea of having to deal with the human half of Kurama had never really occurred to him. The idea that Shuichi could wrest power from Youko Kurama was just as ridiculous as the idea that Youko would give him control willingly.

Shuichi's smile is frozen in place; it doesn't change. "I thought that perhaps it would be better for me to speak to my mother." There's something untrue in that, something that he's hiding, because Kurama never smiles like that unless he's hiding something. Hiei's breath catches in his throat, because, of course, this is Kurama's _Shuichi_ smile. It's his _Hello, yes, I am the perfect son, perfect student, perfect human Shuichi_ smile. He doesn't know how to deal with that. He doesn't know how to deal with Shuichi. Seeing things in Youko that resemble his Kurama was something he could handle, because of course Kurama resembled Youko. He knows Youko, or at least he knows of him. He knows the stories, the legends that made him seek out Kurama in the first place. Youko is somewhat of a known entity.

But this – this – this _human_ smiling coolly back at him is someone he knows nothing of. He doesn't know how much of Minamino Shuichi was a creation of his Kurama and how much actually existed. Minamino Shuichi has never existed on his own, never been his own being before. Merged from birth with Youko Kurama, who knows what this human is like?

That phantom stab wound throbs again. Hiei had made it his mission to understand all he could about Kurama, to be the best partner he could be, but he knows nothing about this human who wears Kurama's face. He feels the fire dance under his skin again and finds he can't quite breathe. He takes a step away from that gentle smile, averts his eyes, pretends he is done with his questioning rather than admit his panic.

Yusuke blurts out the first words his mind can form. "What the fuck?"

Shuichi turns to look at him and tilts his head. "You are surprised?"

"We – We thought – " Yusuke struggles to find a way to phrase this, a way to make it make sense.

"You thought that I could not take control," Shuichi states calmly, still smiling that awful smile. "You assumed that I only gained control before because Yo – because his youki was bound."

"Well yeah!" Yusuke practically shouts. "I mean, he's _Youko Kurama_. He's not exactly the type to –" Yusuke cuts himself off as he takes in Shuichi's face. His smile hasn't wavered, hasn't changed, but something in his eyes has shut down at the mention of Youko Kurama's name. There's a further distance there. The distant, cold eyes and the cruel, frozen, gentle smile is a terrifying combination.

"You forget that this is _my_ body, not his." Shuichi's tone is as gentle as his smile and Yusuke has to fight down a shiver. "I understand that we have never properly met, but you should really know not to underestimate me. He was more than happy to step down for the moment." Yusuke gulps at that. Shuichi turns to Kuwabara, who is still supporting him. His eyes lose a bit of their distance, but his smile is still frozen in place. "Now, if you wouldn't mind helping me to my mother's house. I'm afraid I find myself incapable of getting there on my own."

"Uh … Yeah!" Kuwabara says, still a little confused about everything that just happened. But he understands the shaking of Shuichi's legs, he understands that someone who is kind of his friend is unable to walk on his own, and he understands the need to go inform Shiori of all that has happened. So he pushes his doubts aside and helps Shuichi out of the alley the portal had dropped them in and towards the train that will take them to Shuichi's part of town.

Yusuke and Hiei hang back for a moment, staring after their friend and this strange new being with shaking legs, a gentle smile, and their friend's face.

"How –" Yusuke starts, before having to pause and clear his throat. "How much of Kur – of our Kurama was him, do you think?"

Hiei doesn't say anything, but his chest throbs in response. He bites his cheek, schools his face into a scowl, and follows after the other two. Yusuke watches him go. He swallows harshly and scrubs at his face with his hand. After a long moment getting himself together, he follows as well.

There's so many emotions swirling in Yusuke he can't get his head on straight. He's never been the best at emotions, usually expressing his through yelling or snark. This whole situation isn't his strong suit, it's so far out of his ballpark he can't even see the stadium. He wants – he wants his Kurama back. Kurama had always been the emotional balance of the group, the one who could diffuse a fight with one well timed comment or raised eyebrow. Kurama was the brains, the problem solver, the planner, the mature one. The group didn't _work_ without him. Only the desperate search for Kurama had kept them from killing each other over the past few weeks.

Of course, the problem was that they weren't even really a group anymore. They were his best friends, the people he had relied on through all the toughest times of his life, but this was the most time he'd spent with them in maybe two years. Since his marriage to Keiko, he'd retreated. Kuwabara was so busy studying to become a vet, so busy with school, and Hiei had been locked away in the Makai for ages, and yeah, maybe the barrier was down, but it still wasn't like you could just pop over to the Makai for a couple hours, and besides he had work for Mukuro _all the time_ , and Kurama – Kurama had gone off to his big fancy university to be the perfect Minamino Shuichi. Yusuke, he'd … well, he'd kind of resented that. He'd resented that Kurama was so good at being human, so impressive, when Yusuke, well, wasn't. There was Kurama, perfect and wonderful and loved by all, on a full scholarship and dazzling everyone with his brilliance, and then there was Yusuke, who barely graduated high school and couldn't even make his marriage work. And yeah, maybe he'd saved the world a few times, maybe he was the best fighter in three worlds, but that was demon world stuff, spirit world stuff. Kurama was just so much better at being human than him.

To see Kurama like this, shattered apart, to meet the human half that he'd resented … he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to deal with Minamino Shuichi, he'd never known how to deal with him.

He feels the countless, nameless emotions swirl around him as they wait on the train, Shuichi seated and leaning against Kuwabara still. He can feel Hiei's discomfort at being confined, but he can't focus on it, can't focus on anything except these feeling he can't parse. He wants _his_ Kurama back. The Kurama who could help him through this, who could talk him through this, who could take him apart with one glance and knew how to calm him down before he'd known he needed calming.

Youko Kurama had said that his Kurama was dead, but he didn't know how to accept that. There'd been a spark of hope, earlier, when Kuwabara had pointed out that both Youko and Shuichi still existed. He hadn't been able to think about it yet, but it'd been there at the back of his mind. _Get him to Genkai. Both halves were still there. Get him to Genkai._

Genkai could fix it. Genkai could _always_ fix it.

But now – now that he's actually met Shuichi, now that he's felt that cold, distant anger that he'd thought was exclusively Youko's, now that he's realized how little he actually knows about this half of Kurama – he doesn't know anymore.

 _Just get him to Genkai,_ he thinks, hardening his resolve. _Just get him to Genkai._

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It takes them a little over 45 minutes to reach Shiori's house. Shuichi stands and stares at it for a moment, his face blank and his breath caught in his chest and his eyes so _young_. None of them knows how to deal with this. Slowly, Shuichi detaches himself from Kuwabara, standing firmly on his own two feet for the first time. His knees still quiver a bit from the strain, but he's steady. He takes a deep breath, and then walks through the gate. His head is high and he strides to the door, knocking sharply three times. The three boys hang behind at the gate, unsure if they are supposed to come.

"Just a moment," Shiori's voice calls from within. Shuichi swallows and blinks a few times. He rolls his shoulders back once, then squares them.

Shiori opens the door wearing a flour streaked apron, and it takes her a moment to process the sight in front of her. Shuichi doesn't say anything, doesn't move, doesn't breathe. Yusuke watches Shiori's face and wonders if they should have gone to Genkai first, should have set about healing Kurama's – Shuichi's face, so his mother didn't have to see this. A sob tears its way from her throat, and then her arms are around her son, and maybe it was right that they came here first.

Shuichi stands, frozen, for a moment. Then, tentatively, his arms wrap around his mother, hugging her tightly to him, and then his shoulders are hitching like he's crying the same way she is, which can't be possible, because none of them have ever seen anyone with Kurama's face cry. It looks wrong, it feels wrong, and it hits all three of them right in the gut.

Shuichi buries his face in his mother's hair and pulls her in as close as he can.

They stand there for a very long time. Yusuke has no clue how long the two hug, nor how long he stands there watching them, swallowing down memories of his mother after he died. Eventually, Shiori is the first one to pull away to gaze up at her son's face, at his beaten and battered face. Her eyes are still glistening with tears as she brings her hand up to trace the edge of the largest bruise. "Are you alright?" she breathes out, almost too quiet for the three at the gate to hear.

Shuichi hesitates, unsure how to answer. Yusuke watches the thought of lying, of nodding and just saying yes, occur to him, and he watches him throw it away. "No," Shuichi says, his voice full of the tears that Yusuke reads in the line of his shoulders and the hitch of his breath.

Shiori smiles tearfully at her son, and takes his hand. "Come," she says, and leads him into the house. He allows her to tug him into his childhood home, and relaxing slightly for the first time since they found him. They watch him go, watch him and Shiori disappear into the house, leaving the front door open. Yusuke and Kuwabara glance at one another as Hiei clenches his fists, all of them unsure if they are supposed to follow. Yusuke knows what he'd like to do, of course, but if Kur – if Shuichi wants to be alone with his mom, after all that's happened, do any of them have the right to deny him that?

Before they can come to any conclusions, Shiori's head pokes out of the doorway. Still smiling, still crying, she calls out to them, "Come in!" The depth of emotion on her face throws all of them for a loop for a moment, before they obediently file into the house.

Yusuke's only ever been to Kurama's house like once before, and he'll admit to sneaking in through the window that time. Of course, he's met Shiori, he met her in the hospital and then Kurama took him to her wedding as well, but he's never been very comfortable around her. She's not the kind of person he's used to; she's a really good mom, and that kind of freaks him out.

He's not alone. Hiei's been to Kurama's house more times than he can count, but he's never exactly been invited in before. There was always a sort of open invitation, expressed through Kurama's unlocked bedroom window. But he's never come in through the front door, and he's always avoided Shiori. Something in him screams to run away, to stay outside and come back later, but he steels himself against it. Besides, he wants to know how Shuichi will explain this to his mother.

Kuwabara, the only one who's never been to the house, is, ironically, the most comfortable. He understands Shiori, understands the connection between her and Kurama. His home might not've been the exact same, but there was a similar depth of feeling there, between him and Shizuru. He makes himself right at home on the couch.

Yusuke and Hiei hang back, taking note of Shiori's bustling in the kitchen. Shuichi perches on the edge of a chair at a dining table, his focus entirely on his mother. He doesn't spare a glance for anyone else. Yusuke winds up half lounging on the couch next to Kuwabara, trying to look like he's comfortable. (He doesn't look comfortable, he looks so incredibly uncomfortable it's almost funny.) Hiei positions himself near a window and remains standing.

Shiori enters after a bit, carrying a tray of mugs. "Jasmine tea," she says, handing one off to her son first, then making the rounds of the others. Even Hiei accepted a mug, though more out of confusion than anything else.

Shuichi smiles softly. "To help reduce swelling," he murmurs, his hands clenching tightly around the mug for a moment before returning to his looser grip.

Shiori watches this with a sad fondness in her eyes, at once overjoyed to see her son again, and yet clearly hurt by what has happened to him. After a moment, she sits down in the armchair next to the couch, turns to Yusuke, and says, "You must be Yusuke. The one I spoke to."

Yusuke blinks for a moment, thrown by her attention. "Uh, yeah," he answers dumbly.

Shiori's eyes are still glistening as she grabs his hand and stares him down, the depth of gratitude in her face almost scaring him. "Thank you," she says, "for brining my son back." She smiles at him, and Yusuke's gaze darts to Shuichi, because he doesn't know what to say to that. As far as he's concerned, he hasn't brought her son back. He's brought back someone entirely new. But maybe he has, maybe he's brought her real son back for the first time in his life. Does Youko count as her son? Does she count as raising him? He finds no answers in Shuichi's guarded face. Shiori squeezes his hand tightly before releasing it and turning towards Kuwabara and Hiei. "Am I right in assuming that you two helped as well?"

Kuwabara stares for a second, before nodding. Hiei blinks and finds himself shrugging. Shiori doesn't need to say thank you this time, because the words shine in her face so clearly. Neither of the boys knows what to do as an awkward silence descends over the room, like maybe they should have said something, but they don't know what to say. Hiei's eyes flicker to Shuichi, whose still only has eyes for his mother.

"So," she says, putting down her mug on the coffee table and turning towards her son, "what happened?"

He meets her gaze from across the room, and Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei, all trapped in the crossfire, feel the weight of it. Hiei wonders what lie he'll pick, because no part of Kurama could actually tell Shiori. He's certain of that, if nothing else.

Shuichi slowly puts down his mug, tilting his head slightly so that his bangs shadow his eyes. He lets the question hang in the air for another moment, before quietly answering. "I had a nervous breakdown."

Processing that takes a moment for everyone. Hiei has to admit, that's not the lie he thought Shuichi'd go with.

"What?" Shiori breathes, after a moment.

Shuichi keeps his eyes in shadow, his hands clenched around his mug, every part of him the picture of a sad, embarrassed son confessing to his mother. "I – The work began to increase, and removed as I was from home, from family and friends, I – I found myself increasingly incapable of achieving what needed to be done. Having never experienced this before, I didn't know what to do. I – Disappointing you – Asking for help – Having to ask for help for the first time –" Shuichi cuts himself off with a harsh swallow, his hands on the mug shaking. You had to commend him for his performance, even the three fighters were almost buying it. "I couldn't face it," he almost whispers, shoulders hunching up towards his ears, his body conveying shame and disappointment and fear.

"You ran away," Shiori says, not quite asking a question but not quite making a statement either. It's more of a realization; she'd never considered that option. No matter what the police had implied, she knew her son would never.

Shuichi lets his head drop further with a pained wince. "Yes," he says, speaking just as softly as his mother.

Hiei's watched Kurama tell a lot of lies. He wonders if Kurama's pride came from Youko alone, or if admitting this fault is hurting Shuichi the way it would Kurama. Kurama was perfectly willing to trick people into underestimating him, as long as he eventually found his own way to correct that mistake. But he knows how important the perfect son persona was to Kurama. He knows it wasn't just Kurama's pride that made him need to shine, to excel the way he did. Kurama had few qualms about lying to Shiori, but this lie would have killed him.

Kuwabara watches Shiori. He watches the shape of her eyes, the way her eyebrows draw together, and he thinks of all the lies he'd told Shizuru, of the way she'd looked when she'd believed him, and of the way she'd looked when she hadn't.

Shiori pulls herself up and off of the armchair and crosses the room to sit across the table from her son. She coaxes the mug he's clutching out of his hands before letting him clutch onto hers instead. No other part of Shuichi's body moves as he lets her do this, head still hung and shoulders still hunched. She strokes her thumbs across his knuckles as he clings to her as tightly as he will allow himself. "It's okay," she tells him, warm and kind and accepting. "It's okay." His hands spasm in hers, clutching her tighter than he should, tighter than she should know he can, just for a moment. Her thumb doesn't pause in its movements. "What happened next?"

Shuichi draws in a shuddering breath before continuing his lie. "I had to get away. I couldn't face – disappointing you. Or myself. I left the city." He pauses there, swallowing back tears. It is impossible to tell if he is faking or not, Yusuke decides, because he hasn't seen Kurama, let alone Shuichi, cry enough to know. "I – I fell in with a bad crowd," he says, watching each word he says. He doesn't elaborate.

Shiori blinks back tears as well. "There's more to this," she says, softly, "which you will tell me later." Shuichi hesitates, then nods slowly. "What shall we do now?" she asks. "Would you like to stay here?"

Yusuke panics for a second, because _no, no, no, they have to get him to Genkai_ , but thankfully Shuichi lifts his head slightly to shake it. "I think staying outside of the city would be – better for me, right now," he says, eyes still down cast but tears banished for now. They can hear the emotion of the past hour in the thickness of Shuichi's voice. "Do you remember that part-time job I had in high school?" That, of course, was how Kurama had explained away his time spent on missions or in the Makai. Shiori nods. "These are my friends from there. There is a shrine we used to visit, not very far from here, surrounded by wood. I think perhaps recovery there would be best."

"You will give me the addresss," Shiori says, firm enough to be a command.

"Of course," Shuichi nods, meeting his mother's eyes again.

"Good." She smiles. "Well, let me feed you before you go. All of you." She turns her smile on the other three, before standing and heading towards the kitchen.

"Let me help," Shuichi says, as he starts to stand.

"Not at all," Shiori throws over her shoulder. "You sit right there and let your mother cook for you."

A sad fondness settles over Shuichi's face, a look Kurama had worn so many times that Hiei has to look away. "If you insist."

The three don't talk as Shiori cooks and Shuichi watches. Yusuke watches Shuichi, Kuwabara naps, and Hiei watches the world through the window. Eventually, when Shiori returns with food, she coaxes them into telling stories from high school. (Modified, of course, to exclude demons and what not.) There are moments here and there where it feels almost like it is Kurama at the table, ensconced in his Shuichi façade.

But it isn't.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Several hours later, after exchanging Genkai's address and some tearful goodbyes with Shiori, the four make their way to Genkai's. Shuichi slumps against Kuwabara for most of the trip, his still recovering body exhausted from the emotions of seeing his mother. Hiei is struck again by how _young_ he is. Logically, Hiei knows that Shuichi is around the same age as Yusuke and Kuwabara, but he doesn't seem it. Maybe because he's comparing him to Kurama, a being made of a young human and an ancient demon, who had made himself timeless because of it. Or maybe it is simply something about Shuichi himself, an inherent innocence that neither Yusuke nor Kuwabara possess. Hiei finds him hard to look at.

Shuichi squares his shoulders as they enter the shrine, though he still relies on Kuwabara for most of his support. They enter the main building, enter the room where Yusuke and Kuwabara had undergone those trials so long ago, to find Genkai and Yukina waiting for them.

Genkai takes one look at Shuichi before turning to Yusuke with an accusatory look on her face. "What happened?"

Botan chooses this moment to come crashing through an inner door, followed by Shizuru at a more sedate pace. The instant Botan spots Shuichi, she starts to run towards him, arms outstretched. "Kurama!" Shuichi quickly dodges her attempt at a hug, stepping behind Kuwabara so that is who Botan ends up embracing. "What - ?"

"There's something off about you," Genkai says, stepping towards Shuichi as Botan disentangles herself from Kuwabara. Genkai narrows her eyes and tilts her head, trying to decipher what's changed.

"He did just get captured," Shizuru says, coming to stand next to her little brother.

Shuichi takes another step back before turning to Genkai. "Perhaps this is a misconception we should clear up quickly. I'm afraid I'm not quite who you were expecting to see."

"He's split," Hiei says, not wanting to listen to Shuichi dance around this.

"What?" Genkai demands, as the room goes very still and quiet.

"Youko Kurama and Minamino Shuichi have split," Hiei says, clearly and sharply. Every head in the room turns to Shuichi.

There is a flash of something on Shuichi's face, perhaps anger or annoyance, before it settles into a comfortable blandness. "Pleased to officially meet you," he says, bowing slightly. "Minamino Shuichi."

Yusuke turns his attention to Genkai, wanting to find _something_ on her face that says that she knows how to _fix_ this. But, as usual, she's next to impossible to read.

"And how exactly," Genkai steps towards Shuichi again, almost menacingly, "was that achieved?"

"Torture," Shuichi supplies, still hiding behind the bland façade. He says it as if it was nothing.

"Bullshit," Genkai spits. "I've never seen the bond between the two of you falter." Yusuke blinks back the shock of that, because _of course_ Genkai knew about the merger, and _of course_ she examined it. "What kind of torture could have broken that?"

Another flash of annoyance finds its way through Shuichi's eyes. "Perhaps this were best spoken of later," he says, attempting to dodge the question.

"No, you'll speak of it now," Genkai pushes.

Shuichi drops the blandness entirely, his face dark with anger now. "I don't want to," he bites out.

"Tough luck," Genkai fires back.

Shuichi clenches his jaw, before something occurs to him. The anger fades slightly as he takes another step back, away from the verbal test of wills. "I have no desire to answer these questions," he mutters, half to himself, half to the room. He draws in a deep breath and closes his eyes, standing utterly still for just a moment, before his body starts to crumple to the ground.

Hiei is once again the first to reach him, catching him before he hits the ground. He carries Kurama's full weight for a second, before his eyes snap open to reveal a familiar cold distrust.

Youko Kurama pulls himself up to his full height and turns to survey the room. "Ah," he says, his voice somehow so utterly different from Shuichi's, his eyes so old, "I see we've come to the shrine."


	4. Chapter 4

Youko's cold, hard, emold/em eyes sweep over the room, and he somehow looks taller than Shuichi. It's the same body, but somehow just his immediate presence, not quite his actual aura, but his force of personality, adds three inches to his height. He towers over Hiei, who can't help blinking up at him. The switch had been fast, and it seemed to have been Shuichi's choice. Hiei doesn't know what to do.

He's not the only one. Genkai, Shizuru, Botan, and Yukina all seem frozen as well. It is, after all, one thing to hear that Kurama had split into his composite parts; it is quite another to see proof of it.

"You really have split," Genkai breathes, and the lines in her face look somehow more haggard than they did a moment ago.

Youko's gaze settles on her. "Did Minamino imply ambiguity on that matter? Yes, we are no longer merged. The Kurama you knew is dead, and all of that." His voice sounds almost tired, as he turns attention from Genkai to Yusuke, who's trying not to scream or cry at the callousness of Youko. "I presume we went to my – to Shiori first, and then came here?"

Before Yusuke can respond, Genkai steps forward and snaps her fingers. "Hey, fox, attention over here. I was asking your better half some questions when he decided to take a goddamn nap."

Youko's gaze does not shift from Yusuke, but he gives a little snort. "I will get to your questions in due time. However, I would like to first know what exactly has happened since Sh-Minamino took control last."

"Wait, what?" Kuwabara asks, scratching the side of his head awkwardly. "You were with us the whole time!"

Yoko just barely contains his eyeroll as he turns to face Kuwabara. "Minamino was with you."

"Then where were you?"

Yoko grits his teeth. "Not exactly present. Minamino was in control. I was … not in control." It is hard for him to explain exactly where he was without giving the group too much information about the topography of his mind now. Besides, he doesn't know if any of them would truly understand. He was not quite awake, not quite asleep, he was more just – just floating somewhere. Trapped somewhere. Waiting. He was waiting. Conscious, but not present.

"But I thought you two shared memories or something?" Kuwabara asks, the hand scratching his head starting to grip onto his own hair in frustration.

A small breath escapes Youko, and something changes. His jaw is still clenched, his teeth still set against one another, but an almost sadness takes over his eyes for a moment. "Not anymore."

Hiei hasn't moved this whole time, has just watched the different ways that Youko uses Kurama's body, Kurama's face, comparing them to Shuichi's methods, trying to find signs of his Kurama in there somewhere. As Youko's mood shifts, Hiei watches him turn away from the group, but towards Hiei. He watches his face twist with regret, and he wonders how much he even knows of Youko. He knows nothing of Shuichi, but who is Youko Kurama now, after 20 years merged?

emAnd what does that mater?/em he thinks, emBecause he's notstrongKurama/strong/em.

Hiei turns his gaze from Youko, looking anywhere else, and his eyes flit from face to face. Shizuru's unlit cigarette hangs from her slightly open mouth, her brows knitted together in worry, in sadness, in pain, in a million things. Yukina looks to be blinking back tears, at the death of a – a friend, even to her. Botan's face is – is hard to read, somewhere between sadness and realization and – and regret. And Genkai – Genkai looks as old as Youko is. Hiei watches her shoulders sag for the first time since he's met her, before she suddenly squares her shoulders and marches up to Youko.

At her fast, determined footsteps, Youko whirls around to face her, almost sinking into a defensive pose. He's jumpy, Hiei notes.

Genkai thrusts her finger as far into Youko's face as she can, given their respective height differences. "You strongwill/strong tell me about this later. strongAll/strong about this. And you will stay here until we strongfix/strong this." Her face is as fierce and determined as it ever is, and her tone brooks no argument. Yusuke's heart skips a beat.

Or, rather, it would, if it weren't emYouko Kurama/em she were talking to. "There is no emfixing/em this," he practically snarls back. "I will remain here, to heal and determine the best course of action, but I will not indulge your false hope. Your friend is dead. Let him go, now." em Before this gets even more painful, for all of us./em

"As long as you and Minamino are still alive," Genkai yells back, "then it's not false hope, emfox/em." She spits the word like a curse and a bit of spittle lands on Youko's cheek. For a moment, he looks indescribably furious, and Hiei feels his muscles tense for a fight, before the mask of blankness drops once more.

Youko straightens, his gaze and presence withdrawing into him. "Believe what you will." His voice is as bland as his face, giving nothing away. "I shall go procure a room, if I am to stay here for some time." He nods at her before turning to sweep from the room.

"Wait!" The high, tear-choked voice is Yukina's. Youko stops, his face still bland as he turns towards the small ice demon. He raises one eyebrow in question, and it seems to cow Yukina for a moment. Both Hiei and Kuwabara bristle, ready to leap to Yukina's defense, but Yukina steels herself and steps forward. "You're injured," she says, walking closer, offering her healing powers. But Youko shies away from her proffered touch.

"As my youki returns, I will heal," he says, still no trace of emotion in his voice.

"Come on, Kura-Youko," Kuwabara corrects himself awkwardly, "at least let her fix up your face. Might help diffuse some tensions if we didn't have to –" the kick Yusuke delivers to his leg shuts him up pretty fast, as the temperature in the room drops a few degrees.

Youko turns his cool, bland gaze to Kuwabara, who finds himself shivering under it. "Minamino did, in fact, pay a visit to Shiori, did he not?"

"Uh – yeah. I mean, there was this whole thing, and she cried and he –" Kuwabara fumbles through the answer before Youko cuts him off.

"Then my face must heal at a human pace, must it not?" He asks, allowing the slightest hint of condescension to leak into his tone.

"Oh. Uh. Yeah, I – I guess" Kuwabara says.

Without any further acknowledgement, Youko sweeps from the room for real this time. Silence rings in the room for a moment; no one knows what to say.

"He's kind of a dick." Even Hiei can't help a little half-laugh, as Shizuru sums up the situation pretty well.

"Can you really, um, 'fix' him?" Yukina asks, turning her wide eyes towards Genkai.

Genkai heaves a heavy sigh, but her shoulders stay set in that determined way. "We'll see," she says, her lips thinning to a tight, hard line.

"How?" Yusuke asks, surprised to find how hoarse his voice is. "How do we - …" He tapers off, not quite sure what the right word is. Save? Resurrect? Fix?

"First, we find out what happened. Then we undo it," Genkai says, and as simple as it sounds, everyone knows it's not simple at all. Even just getting either Youko or Shuichi to tell them what had caused the split was a momentous task in and of itself.

"Hey, uh, guys?" Kuwabara asks, softly. "I know we're all – I mean I know – Look, this situation sucks and all, and we're all pretty upset but – look, the dude did just get tortured, ya know?' Kuwabara takes a tentative step forward, towards Genkai. "We're all dying for answers here, but," Genkai turns to meet Kuwabara's gaze, and he falters for a moment, "look, just, cut him some slack, okay? Maybe don't push so hard, right?" It's almost funny to see how Kuwabara seems to shrink under the weight of Genkai's glare, this tiny old woman cowing this giant punk.

Yukina steps forward and lays her hand on Kuwabara's arm, shoring up his defense against Genkai. "He needs time to heal," she says softly, eyes still full of tears she's trying not to cry. Genkai's jaw visibly clenches, before she nods, acquiescing to Yukina's request. Hiei feels the fire underneath his skin again, as he thinks about how long healing whatever happened in that room (emthat room/em) will take, before they can even begin to attempt to put right was has been done wrong here.

"Someone go get the asshole some blankets," Genkai calls out as she turns towards an exit that leads into the woods around the shrine.

"Where are you going, old bag?" Yusuke can't stop himself from asking, because yeah, maybe they should wait, but Genkai shouldn't leave, she should be here, she should be ready to emfix this/em, the moment she can.

"Out," she mutters darkly as she exits into the woods.

The group stands still for another moment after she leaves, processing everything. Then, collectively, they seem to break from it.

"I should go see about those blankets," Yukina says, patting Kuwabara's arm as she leaves to enter further into the shrine.

"I'll help," Shizuru mutters, following after.

Botan, who has been remarkably silent throughout this whole encounter, suddenly pipes up. "I – uh – I've got to go take care of some business for Koenma." Yusuke shoots her a worried glance, but lets her go without comment. Botan probably just needs a moment alone to process this, or cry, or something.

Yusuke, Hiei, and Kuwabara remain in the room, alone together once again. Without a word, exhausted at all that has happened in the past few days, the past few months, they head out together towards the porch facing the forest Genkai is probably destroying at the moment. The three find their own seats, Kuwabara and Yusuke collapsing against the steps and Hiei perching a little further up on the porch.

They sit there in silence for some time, until finally, Kuwabara breaks it. "At least he's safe."

"He's dead," Hiei tried to spit the words, but they got caught somewhere and came out a little choked instead.

"Genkai can fix it," Yusuke mutters. "Right?"

No one answers, but the question rings in all their minds. emRight?/em

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Youko Kurama picks a room at the end of the hall on the first floor. It has sliding doors that open up onto a small flower garden, one that Kurama had helped Yukina design and create. He remembers the hours pouring over seed catalogues, going to nearby flower markets, helping her plant and water the actual garden. It was maybe three or four years ago, now, and it brought him some comfort to be able to look onto it as he pleased. He allowed himself a few brief moments, his shoulders sagging, staring out at the garden that he remembers and yet has never seen for himself.

He straightens, however, when he feels two people, Yukina and Shizuru, headed towards his chosen room. They're headed right for it, so Shizuru must be guiding Yukina to his energy. He squares his shoulders and turns to face the door, silently sliding shut the outer one he had opened to look upon the garden. He does not know if Yukina will know why he has chosen this particular room, but he certainly doesn't wish to give her any hints in that regard.

There's a soft knock at his door before it slides open and a mound of blankets high enough to block Yukina's face starts to make its way into the room. Shizuru slips in after her, carrying an extra pillow under her arm.

"Genkai wanted to make sure you'd be warm enough, while you're recovering," Yukina explains, placing the heap of blankets at the edge of his bed. As Shizuru throws the pillow down at the head of the bed, Yukina turns towards him eyes wide and patient. A part of him wants to smile, and thank her. He keeps his face an impassive mask and nods instead. Her face falters slightly, but she still smiles. "Let me know if you need anything, alright?" He gives no response. She bites her lip, bows slightly to him, and edges her way out of the room.

"You could be less of a dick, you know," Shizuru mutters as she doesn't leave the room, but rather slides open the doors to the garden and lights her cigarette. Youko shoots her annoyed look, the smell already beginning to bother him, but she doesn't move. "Everyone here's going through a lot right now. You could attempt a little sympathy. They did risk their necks to save you, after all."

"Whereas I, on the other hand, am dealing with nothing more than recovery from what I presume to be weeks of torture," he bites out, bitter about the whole circumstance.

Her eyes flick to him. "Months."

He curses Karasu and his son all over again. "Months."

"Still," she says, attention back towards the garden, "you can't convince me that a demon as old as you hasn't been tortured before."

He chokes down the response that he wants to give, that being tortured before doesn't necessarily speed the healing process, that damage is done regardless, that recovering his mental faculties will be no small task, that being an ancient, immeasurably strong demon doesn't protect you from emmonths of abuse/em. He chokes it down because telling her that, letting her, and anyone else who might be listening, know exactly how wrecked he is gives away far too much information.

Instead, he says, "So what would you have me do?"

"Like I said, be less of a dick." She takes a long drag on her cigarette. "Maybe be a little softer on the whole, 'your friend is dead' thing."

"So, what? I should smile?" He does so, his face falling into a gentle, sad smile. "I should say how sorry I am, how I will mourn him too?" She turns to look at him as his voice changes, and finds herself staring. "I should be soft, and gentle, and say I understand how hard this is, and work all of you through your mourning process?" She finds herself unable to breathe for a moment, like a ghost has stolen her breath. He drops the façade, and her breath returns to her. "I will not spend my time pretending to be something I'm not." His cold, hard eyes bore into hers.

She swallows for a moment, eyes blinking rapidly. "You're a first grade asshole, you know that?"

"I'm well aware." His lips draw back in something too tight and too painful to be a smile.

"No one's asking you to pretend to be him," she says, unable to control the volume of her voice as she stands and turns to face him. "Just a little compassion."

"I am not a compassionate creature," he says, his voice rising to match hers. "I will not support your false hope that emhe/em will be returned to you, and I will not have you look to me to replace him." He steps closer to hers, his eyes narrowing in anger he doesn't bother to conceal. "strongI am not emhim/em./strong"

"Trust me, no one could mistake you for him!" Shizuru yells now, throwing her cigarette on the floor of his room and crushing it beneath her foot. "I won't have you treating my friends, my family, like shit just because you emthink/em it's false hope! Although, frankly, I get why a merger might be impossible now. Lord only knows how Minamino put up with being merged with you for so long."

The anger is roaring in his ears now, and he feels his muscles tense for a fight. He wants to kill her, he wants to kill her for that. "You speak of things of which you know emnothing/em," he spits, clenching his fists and reigning in his instincts as best he can.

"Then tell us," she spits back. "I know it's hard for you to conceive of, but maybe some of us could come up with a fucking solution."

"You wish to know what has happened?" His voice goes deadly calm. "Fine." He brushes past her walking into the garden, his mind practically blank with fury. He finds himself plucking a rose, something he'd insisted Yukina plant, for his own ability to defend the shrine if not for its beauty. "Have you ever been tortured?" He plucks a petal from the rose. "Have you ever had someone's mind forcibly enter your own?" He plucks another. "Have you ever had someone tear down every wall," another petal, "barrier," another, "restriction," another, "defense you put up?" The rose misses half its petals now. "Have you ever had someone enter your mind and tear apart everything you are, split you into pieces," three quarters of its petals gone, "and have the pieces bear the memory of exactly how that felt?" The rose is bare now, the petals scattered around his feet. "Do you know what it is like to remember that? To remember being torn asunder, to remember being," he swallows and clutches the rose stem so hard a thorn breaks skin in is palm, "being whole?" He turns to her and gestures at the petals at his feet. "Do you think it can be emfixed/em ," he spits the word like an insult, "so easily?" Shizuru blinks back at him, eyes wide in shock. There is and has not been any expression in his face or voice as he shredded the rose. She stares into what might as well be a blank wall. He drops the stem and turns away from her, walking towards the forest, needing to be away from – from everything. emDo not think you alone bear the pain of his absence, of this – this stronglack/strong./em He feels the twinge of absence in his mind, feels how utterly alone he is for the first time in twenty years. He feels Shuichi, and he feels the void between them, and his mind throbs with it. He walks into the forest, and opens up his mind to the plants, just to get some break from the quiet in his head.

They sing to him for a while, in the way that plants do. It's the middle of spring, and they're just starting to look forward to blossoming, and everything that entails. They're happy to see him, he hasn't been by in ages, and the plants don't care if his energy is a little different, a little darker. They don't care that he's not emKurama/em, and they don't push him for anything, not even a boost of energy. They just want to talk to him. He finds himself collapsing at the roots of a truly ancient tree, although still younger than himself. He listens to their singing chatter, and lets himself breathe for a moment, the first moment since he'd – since Kurama had been taken.

He feels old. He had assumed it was weeks in that room, but that had been a guess at best. He knew it was longer than days, but it felt like years. He had negotiated down to weeks, figuring his friends would not have let him be missing for months. That had been Kurama's line of thought, when he was taken. Plan E, or something similar to that, was to wait for rescue. He would most likely be able to free himself shortly after being taken, after finding out what the demon wanted, and then killing him for it. But, just in case, his friends would find him shortly enough.

He had not planned for the Jagan. Foolishness on Kurama's part, he supposes.

He wants to stop thinking. He wants to stop hearing his own voice inside his head. He longs for – for something he will never have again. He knows that.

Just for a moment, for one moment, while his defenses are so thoroughly wrecked, he lets himself emwant/em.

And then he locks that away, and sets about rebuilding himself. He feels the weight of each wall he builds settle on his shoulders.

He has no clue how long he sits there, the weight of his own mind on his shoulders. He has no clue how long it has been since he left the shrine, much less since he got to it. That will return to him, he knows this, his ability to tell time will return. It is the first thing to go, during torture, and the last to return. When he can tell time again, he will be something closer to whole.

Hopefully.

"You look old." The voice cuts through the chatter of the plants, and his eyes fly open. Genkai stands before him, her energy masked. With him sitting cross-legged at base of the tree, they're almost the same height.

He swallows down the response Hiei or Yusuke would give (emYou're one to talk/em), and instead chooses, "When one hits a certain age, one ceases to look sad. Instead, one just looks old." His voice is tired, as he indulges himself in his last few moments before he must cement the blankness in place.

She huffs a sad little laugh at that, and comes to sit next to him. She gives him enough distance that he feels comfortable, showing more consideration than he expected. She produces a flask from her hip and offers him the first draw. He shakes his head; the last thing he wants right now is to muddle his faculties any more than they already are. She shrugs, and downs half of it in one gulp.

"It must have been quite something," she says, after a moment, her voice as tired as his. "Whatever broke that bond of yours."

He blinks back the memories that threaten to resurface. "Yes."

"Didn't think anything could do that."

In a rare moment of complete honesty, in this small moment of indulgence he is allowing himself, he answers, his voice tired and sad and urging on broken. "Neither did I."

She turns to look at him, now. His eyes are closed, his bangs shadowing the upper half of his face, but she watches the set of his mouth, the downward cast of his head, and she emknows/em. She knows that he did not want this either. That he, the great Youko Kurama, is as hurt by the death of their Kurama as anyone. She wonders what it is like, for him. She expected perhaps shame, that anything he was part of was so taken off guard, so thoroughly hurt, but she sees none. Instead, she sees the longing that he is trying to lock away. And guilt.

She sets that aside for the moment; she'll parse it later, figure out a course of action, but for now, she sits with him and mourns.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It takes Hiei about an hour and a half to grow tired of sitting on the porch with his former teammates. His whole body starts to itch, as he realizes that he can't sense Kurama in the shrine. He reaches out with his mind, and feels the cool touch of something almost like Kurama from out in the forest. It's the same sort of green, but it thrums with life less, and it's colder, darker somehow. He supposes, as he heads towards it, that this must be what Youko feels like. The phantom stab wound throbs.

He keeps his energy carefully concealed as he enters the forest proper, following the call of the almost-right energy. He perches high in a tree, and looks down to see what he can only presume to be Youko Kurama leaning against a tree, apparently meditating, with Genkai sitting next to him. She downs the rest of a flask and throws it down on the ground, resting all of her weight against the trunk of the tree now.

No one moves, not for a long time. Hiei watches Youko Kurama, who sits perfectly still in an inhuman way. He thinks, for a moment, about how there was a time that this was what he wanted to find: Youko Kurama, just in a human body. This was who he had wanted to be his partner. Instead, he had gotten a hybrid of human and demon, not quite either. His Kurama had rarely been able to be this still; even when he was deep in thought, plotting, Kurama would fiddle with a pen or a plant, or twirl his hair around his fingers.

The stillness removes any comfort Hiei might have gained from just looking at Kurama's body, which was at least safe. The stillness made it clear just how not Kurama this was.

Hiei closes his eyes, letting the cool – no, the cold green of Youko Kurama flit across his senses. He clenches his jaw, and enters his own inhuman stillness.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Time to go in," Genkai says, hours later, as she pulls her old bones back up to a standing position. Youko opens his eyes and blinks, surprised to find the forest dark around him. emMinutes/em, he thinks. emThat felt like minutes./em Genkai jerks her thumb back towards the shrine. "Even with your healing, you've got a lot of work ahead of you. Cold won't help." She glares at him until he stands, inhumanly fluid, and begins the walk back to the shrine. She follows behind him, rubbing her back. "I'm getting too old for this," she mutters.

She follows Youko back to the shrine, then back to his room, and makes sure he settles in for the night. emShe thinks I will run/em, he muses as he shuts the door behind him. He feels the human instinct to change into bed clothes, but decides against it. He feels more comfortable in clothes he could leave with at any moment. He would prefer to avoid the vulnerability associated with pajamas.

As something occurs to him, he glances down at his clothing. He recognizes the symbol embroidered on the edges of the fighting tunic, and realizes that they must have procured new clothing for him from Yomi. It's simple enough, probably some off duty clothes of some guard, and could be passed off as something from the human world, thankfully. He wonders what Shiori thought of it. He wonders if Shuichi thought of that, or if he just headed home without thinking. He feels the lack again, and decides its best to track down someone who came with him. No one ever did catch him up on what Shuichi did while he was in control, after all.

He closes his eyes and reaches out his senses. He finds himself flinching away as he finds Yusuke's strong demonic aura, his breath stuttering for a moment. Perhaps not, he thinks. He feels Kuwabara a little further off, the spiritual beacon strong. Yes, that will do.

He opens his door to find Genkai propped against the wall opposite. She glares up at him. "Going somewhere?"

"I need to speak to those who were with Shu – Minamino," he says, calmly. She considers this, then nods. As he heads towards Kuwabara's energy, she falls into step a few paces behind. "Am I always to have a tail then?" he asks, not allowing annoyance to creep into his tone.

"Have to make sure you don't take off on us," she grunts back. He resists the urge to sneer and continues forward.

Eventually, he winds his way through the halls to the kitchen, where Kuwabara is apparently gorging himself on an overly tall sandwich. He coughs to get his attention. If his cough is timed with Kuwabara taking a bite, well, he can't help that, can he?

Kuwabara chokes and splutters for a few moments, whirling around to see Kurama standing there, one eye raised. The expression is so Kurama-like that for a moment Kuwabara almost thinks – but the eyes are wrong. Cold, hard emeralds, he is learning, designate Youko Kurama. He gasps for air, and manages to choke down some water before wheezing out, "What'd you do that for?"

"I need to ask you a few questions," Youko says, carefully, as he steps into the room, "about what happened with Shiori."

"But you were –"

Youko cuts him off. "Minamino and myself are no longer connected. We each experience the world separately, and the other retains no memories of what happens while they are not in control." His voice is as blank and informational as it can be, hiding behind a mask of not quite indifference, but just flat nothing.

"Oh," Kuwabara says, his eyes dropping. "So – so you're really –"

"Split," Youko supplies. "Yes." Kuwabara nods, blinking rapidly, and Youko finds himself tired of dealing with others' grief. He finds himself wishing, just for a moment, that everyone could know the sense of locking your emotions away. "So," he presses, "emwhat happened?/em"

Kuwabara stumbles through an explanation, going back several times to correct things he misremembered. He talks about how Shuichi was crying, hugging his mother, and Youko's heart constricts painfully, but his face shows no sign of it. He allows himself a nod at Shuichi's explanation of their absence. Admitting fault, although unpleasant, was the only reasonable way to explain his absence for so long. Admitting fault often makes people believe you more readily than a perfect lie.

He wonders, for a moment, if Shuichi has lost his ability to tell time. If he knows how long they were gone for, if he factored that into his plan, or if he even thought to find out before going home.

He supposes he'll never know.

"And, uh, then we just headed up here, and we were talking to Genkai, and she was asking what happened, and then Minamino just kind of said he didn't want to answer the questions, so uh yeah then you, I guess, took over? Or however that works?" Youko's eyes flit over to Genkai, and he surprises himself with his anger. She had forced Shuichi back? She had pushed Shuichi the way she pushed him? Did she not emknow/em? Shuichi was not exactly a demon, he was not exactly used to torture, and she –

"I will take my leave," Youko says, voice blank. He gives Kuwabara no other acknowledgement as he sweeps back down the series of hallways to his room, where he shuts the door after him in finality. He hears as Genkai settles herself across the hall, and, alone in the room, with no visuals in on him, he lets the anger show on his face. He slumps down onto the bed, angry tears building, and curses humans for crying when they get upset. But he is no koorime, and he has no concern over tear gems, and so he lets himself cry. Silently, face buried in the pillow to hide the scent from anyone sniffing around, he cries. It is like this, with his face in the pillow and the blankets still piled at the bottom of the bed, that he falls finally into a deep sleep.


End file.
